he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
