so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
