____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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