i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
