Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
