I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
