Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
