So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
