Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
