return my video game
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
