We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
