Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
