Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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