Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
