Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
