thus making me awesome and them whores
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
