You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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