thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
