I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
