I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
