from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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