Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
