I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize