Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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