I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
