What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
