Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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