I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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