Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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