the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
