you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
