you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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