this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
