we're chasing vodka with high fives
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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