i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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