So drunk its hurt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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