Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
