I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
