I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
