So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
