I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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