i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
