Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm both gender and math confused
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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