When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
