I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize