You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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