I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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