And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
