Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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