You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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