Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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