this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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