i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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