I can tuck mytits in my pants
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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