I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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