She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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