she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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