a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
