apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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